


Slaying is a Time Suck

by worldstealers



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Demons, Sunnydale (BtVS), Time Loop, Time Skips, Time Travel, Vampire Slayer(s), Vampires, Witches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-05-07 17:49:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19214464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/worldstealers/pseuds/worldstealers
Summary: Something is wrong in Sunnydale. Weird music is tinkling, people are turning into desiccated corpses, and Xander keeps repeating his terrible jokes. Can Buffy and the gang figure out the problem before they're doomed to repeat it?This story was originally performed on the World Stealers podcast. If you'd like to hear it read aloud with plenty of commentary, find us where ever you listen to podcasts!





	Slaying is a Time Suck

Finally getting her much needed hour of sleep before the sun came up, Buffy Summers drifted off peacefully underneath her thick floral comforter. Sure there was vampire dust still caked underneath her nails, but she’d deal with it when she woke. Then she remembered. In a small fit of frustration over tangled cables, she had snapped her hair straightener in half the morning before. A hazard of superhuman strength when handling items made for regular human hands. She sighed and threw off the covers. The Sunnydale Pharmacy would be open by now in the early morning hours. She wasn’t about to sacrifice her signature soft tussle and glossy locks in the face of constantly fighting evil. Especially after a break up. She needed to look good for herself. 

The hallway carpet was striped with amber bits of morning light through the blinds, and as Buffy passed by Dawn’s bedroom door, she knew she’d make it to the last bowl of Coco Puffs before anyone in the house did. That was one thing that made not sleeping worth it. 

A soft jingle of tiny bells played a melody. It drifted her attention away, gently at first. Like a music box she used to have with a dancing ballerina. But then Buffy whipped around, looking for the source as it crescendoed. Mysterious music playing for no reason in Sunnydale was never just your in head.   
When she reached the top of the stairs the music stopped, followed by tiny footsteps, running from her and into the living room. She ran down the stairs, taking four at a time, practically pommel horsing the banister into the living room. 

It was empty and dark. Just as she expected, honestly. And what did she expect? A vampire watching reruns on the couch just out in the open? The kitchen, the garage, the yard, everything was clear with no signs of intruders. After checking the perimeter, Buffy gave up and went in the back door to the kitchen.

Of course, now the sun was out, and Dawn was up for school, sitting at the kitchen island eating, you guessed it. Cereal.   
\--  
Dylan was on his knees, begging Mr. Herfnester to let him go on break. “I’ve washed this Mercedes like 50 times already! I swear!”

Mr. Herfnester crossed his arms over his blue polo, the logo of his car wash Herf’s Wash & Detail embroidered into the pocket. “Dylan, this vehicle just came in and we’re backed up 12 cars today, I cannot possibly let you on break right now.”

“Please, please, Mr. Herf. I-I-I-I-I swear I’ve washed it already. Over and over and over and over….” Dylan raised his hands, looking at them and starting to cry, “I can’t wash anymore!”

Mr. Herfnester jumped back in horror as Dylan reached out and stained his boss’s khakis with dark red blood, coming from Dylan’s swollen and waterlogged hands.   
The man in the Mercedes stuck his head out the window and yelled while honking, “Um, excuse me! I need the full Herf!”  
\--  
“I realize this is a magic shop, but the stock of Practical Magic VHS's is out of control.” Xander heaved a giant stack of unopened video tapes and dropped them on the large wood table, where Anya, Willow, and Tara sat sorting books into piles. 

“Maybe we can donate them.” Willow chimed in, while flipping through History of Ground Hauntings in Munich in the 1750s. 

“Or we could burn them.” Offered Anya cheerfully. Everyone looked up at her with looks that she was already familiar with, the kind of looks where she had evidentally crossed a social barrier and they were figuring out how to point it out to her. “What? It’s quick, efficient, and more fun than donating.”

“Anya, burning a pile of movies about witches isn’t very sensitive considering…” Xander motioned across to Willow and Tara. 

“Ok well burning real witches is fun too. It’s not like it hurts them.” Anya argued. 

Willow got up from the table with her book. Tara attempted a smile. The front door of the closed and disheveled magic shop creaked open. Buffy walked in dragging her feet and giving a small hello to Giles, who stood behind the dusty and broken counter. She plopped down at the table with the crew. “Most people get at least a two week vacation or President’s day from their work,” she mumbled.

“Slayed out, Buff?” asked Xander, bring over yet another pile of video tapes. 

“Who would have guessed that the touring group for Cats was just a full cast of vamps?” said Buffy, throwing up her hands revealing small scratches on her inner arms. “And they’re really into their characters.”

“It’s not the best of musical theater,” replied Giles, walking closer to the gang, “It doesn’t surprise me that it attracts unsavory characters.”

“Leave it to the undead to make a bad revival.” Xander quipped. 

“Well, the tour’s cancelled now.” Buffy said, ignoring him. “Do we have any word on Glory’s movements or where we should -”

“Leave it to the undead to make a bad revival.” said Xander.

“Xander, I’m pretty sure we all heard your joke the first time.” Buffy said, exasperated. 

“What? I mean, it wasn’t my best, but I thought the delivery was pretty sound.” Xander replied, a little hurt. 

“Ok, but you don’t have to repeat it.” Said Buffy. 

“Ah, what are you talking about, Buffy?” asked Willow. 

Buffy looked around at her friends’ confused faces and shrugged it off. Long nights sometimes led to a not-so-perfect Buffbrain the next day. She laid her head down on the wood and shut her eyes for just a quick little rest. 

“We should get a some training in today, Buffy, since I’ll be headed to city hall for a permit and-” 

Buffy groaned, “Alright.” Then stood up to head to the new training area in the back of the store.   
\--  
Spike was pacing his crypt, trying to wash his demon brain of images of the Slayer in his arms trying to- no, not going to happen. There had been a few times in his afterlife when he was cursed by a wayward fairy or wandering nymph with all consuming thoughts, and he’d been able to shrug those off in the past. These ideas were of his own making, and he could squash them if he concentrated enough. Maybe it was because she was just so good at flipping. No, the thoughts needed to be flushed. The best way to do that was with whiskey and fresh blood, although unless he found a willing victim it’d be another trip to the hospital to lift some more baggies of not so fresh A negative. 

He’d been waiting all day, wild for the sun to go down so he could prowl and try again to forget someone who’d likely be out prowling with him. If he avoided certain treks he probably wouldn’t run into her. The night was especially foggy, which was strange for the dry arid climate of the state. Spike wandered into a mini-mall complete with liquor store and sketchy blood donation center, his one stop shop. Attached to the side of the parking lot was a brightly lit up car wash, the machines running inside but with no any cars parked along the entrance line. 

With vamp ears underneath bleached hair, Spike could make out soft cries underneath the hum of the powerful hoses. He crept to the service booth, pushing the door open to find a middle aged man crouched over the small switchboard for the car conveyor belt. The man pushed the big red forward arrow for a few seconds, then cried out in terror, his voice hoarse, and pressed the button again. No car moved through the covered washing area outside, but the belt ran with the button push.   
After watching the man’s repeated behavior, Spike stood behind him, smelling blood fresh on the man and hoping for an outcome in his favor. He placed one hand on the car wash attendant’s shoulder, who turned around immediately, then crumpled into Spike, who barely caught the man from falling down. The man felt weirdly hollow. Spike looked down at the face of the guy, who was now whimpering and saw that his eyes were sunken far into his skull and was mumbling through wrinkled lips. One last breath came out of the dry hole in the face of Herf as he slumped over dead, like an empty bag of crisps. 

Spike dropped him, standing in silence as the machine cycle finally finished after running for hours. After looking thoroughly over the body and deciding that he wasn't quite in the mood for jerky, Spike was alerted to a small noise. A song, like a tiny piano playing in the distance. The tune was familiar, like one of those old toys with a crank that launched a puppet at you. When the tune finished and he shivered, something that really bothered him given he never got cold. 

“Bugger,” he said aloud. He didn’t want a reason to visit her, but now fate handed him one. He popped the collar of his leather jacket and left Herf and the silent car wash to find her.  
\--  
Sore, tired, overworked. Buffy wasn’t always resentful of her destiny to defend the world against the underworld, but tonight was really testing her patience. Plus it felt like she had walked in circles, seeing the same headstones over and over in her search for baby vampires. There weren’t any around to distract her, a relatively quiet night, which didn’t help her want to leave it alone and go home. 

She heard him before he stepped out of the shadow of a tree.“Slayer.” He said calmly, hands in his pockets. 

“Spike, I’m out for stakey stakey tonight. Are you offering?” she said. 

“For as many times as you threaten to dust me and never do you’d think I’d be begging for it by now, so I wouldn’t have to hear it.” 

“Wake up on the wrong side of the coffin?” Buffy said, twirling her stake around distracted. 

“Hungry, yes. But more importantly, I have some demon news delivery I imagine you and your crew will want to know about.” He kicked the dirt, trying not to look directly at her and wanting to get this over with already. 

“Oh. Well ok. I don’t think there’s much out tonight anyway. We can head back to the-” 

A vampire with a mullet jumped out at the two of them, landing inches from Buffy teeth bared. She ducked, sweeping the vamps legs and crashing him to his back.   
What would have been a well placed stake, driven down into the laid out vamp was interrupted by just soil. 

Buffy stood up, alone and standing in the cemetery with no Spike or Mulletpire. She looked around for her target and reluctant vamp friend, but found no one. A small jingle played between the trees, something she recognized from that morning, and then she heard him. “Slayer.” Hands in pockets, walking out of the dark shadows.   
“Right ok, let’s go.” Buffy turned heading out to the street.

“Wha?” Spike asked, following behind her. “Wait, I wanted to tell-”

“Yea yea groundhog day demon. I’ve figured it out already, now let’s stop it before-” She heard heavy footsteps behind them, “Damn.” She turned around quickly to firmly plant a stake in the chest of a mulleted and familiar vamp, who vanished so close to Spike he spit out dust.   
\--  
“I imagine that they victims die of dehydration before anything else. Given that they probably cannot escape the loop long enough to serve their needs. See here,” Giles pointed to the center of a large leather bound book, “The Laplace demon, known for driving scholars and physicists mad with knowledge of the future. Enacts a repeat spell that creates a time loop for it’s victim, feeding off panic and…” Giles paused and then closed the book. 

“Well, what does it say? And what?” Willow asked, excited more for information than of imagining the demon in action. 

“It says ooze, but doesn’t give a qualifier for what that is exactly.” Giles responded. 

“It’s a time suck demon that feeds off time ooze.” Xander chimed in, while lounging in a nearby beaten arm chair. 

“Please don’t let that joke be repeated.” said Buffy, cradling her head in her hands and trying to read through the tiny ink letters in her own research. 

“Oh a Time Demon.” perked up Anya, “I used to go out with one named Dan during the Renaissance. He loved to replay all the times that we..” The magic shop grew quiet as everyone looked at her, “went out on dates.” She finished.

Willow chuckled and closed her book. 

“What? He was nice to me. I was a demon too, so it’s not like he was sucking any ooze from me. Well ok, I guess you could say-”

“Whoa whoa. Ok we get it.” said Xander, “I definitely don’t need to hear the rest of that sentence.”

Anya stood up aghast and said, “Hey, come on. You dated other people before me. What’s the big deal?”

“Like 4 people.” said Xander, “That’s it.” 

“Ok, so?” Asked Anya, still standing and making their tiff the center of the issue at hand. 

“Well, it’s just that in human terms, you seem to have dated, like, you know, a lot.” said Willow, attempting diplomacy.

“I am 1,100 years old! That’s not fair. If Buffy were 1,100 years old at her rate that’d be like a thousand boyfriends that left her.” 

“Anya!” said Xander, dropping his book.

“You guys are so judgemental. Ugh!” She started to tear up a little, then grimaced, “Which for some lesbians and someone who dated a demon teacher is very ironic!” Anya finished with a bite, then walked out the front door. Xander followed behind calling after her. 

Everyone left behind remained quiet for a moment before Giles said, “You know in ancient Greece it wasn’t uncommon for citizens to have many partners at once when- “

“Oh god! Enough pass the sex guilt, don’t we have a demon to catch here?” Spike interrupted.   
\--  
“I mean, I was supposed to have a study group over, but I guess demon catching is more important.” Dawn said with attitude. 

“Giles said the demon might follow my time trail or whatever back here anyway, so I’m sorry to ruin your math party-”

“Chemistry.” Dawn retorted.

“Whatever, fine. Invite them over to study while I just demon kill over your textbooks. Hopefully it’s not too gooey and you can take them back to the library.” Buffy laid out a pentagram blanket while Willow carried in jars of ingredients and candle behind her. 

Dawn stormed off upstairs. Buffy glared as she left, then let out a big yawn. 

“Oh, uh Xander called and said he’s bringing tons of coffee, you know in case this stake out takes a while.” said Willow, setting up candles. 

As Willow worked, Buffy watched her light candles and murmur small chants. She heard Tara, Giles, and Anya come through the back door. They were all gathering now as the sun went down again, to fight a demon again, figuring it out as they go and all depending on Buffy’s strength to complete the spell and weaken it, so it could be dispersed. And she thought, in that moment, that maybe the demon was just repeating her whole life and this day was just the middle of the cycle, where she’d wake up tomorrow and patrol and fight and find more demons and never really be free from the onslaught until her body drained of it’s slayer-y ooze. Or maybe she just really needed coffee.   
\--  
Spike stood outside the summers house, looking up at the lit windows and flicked his cigarette into the storm drain. They probably didn’t need him. The gang was pretty tight knit with slayer, witches, watchers alike. They treated him like dead weight, not acknowledging that he had in fact helped them get out of a number of disasters. Admittedly some that he’d created, but still. 

Maybe that was his real reason for the obsession. He just wanted credit for the free help he was providing them. Constantly being disrespected when he deserved favor. Yea, it had nothing to do with loving Buffy or not being able to stop thinking about her. It was merely that he wasn’t being treated how he deserved. As he thought through his valiant acts, he saw Buffy come to the window, pull aside the curtain and look out onto the lawn. He was in the shadows where she wouldn’t see him or know he was there. 

Spike glanced down the street for movement, but saw little but the flicker of Sunnydale street lights of car windshields. Everyone tucked away in their sweet little homes, conveniently ignoring the fact that they lived in a town plagued with accidents and monsters that would eventually torment them in their perfect little homes.   
A movement caught his eye and he turned quickly to see Buffy pulled back roughly, a shadowy black hand, as if made of thick smoke wrapped around her face as she jerked backwards. He took a step forward to run at the house, but then he saw the curtain part again, and Buffy stood there, unscathed, looking out at the lawn, again. 

Spike heard the same melody and spun around to see a young boy, pale, sitting in the middle of the road with a box in front of him. He slowly turned the crank. The song played, crescendoing into a pop.

Spike was looking down at his finished cigarette about to flick it, when Buffy came to the window, pulled aside the curtain, and was grabbed by the same mysterious black hole of a hand. The song played over again.  
\--  
Anya was snoring on Xander’s shoulder, both sitting on the floor propped up against the couch. The hum of the TV played in the background. 

“I’m sorry, Buffy. I assumed that the Laplace Demon would only pursue you even more and lead us to this point. We’ve never really dealt with a timid demon before.” said Giles, taking off his glasses to rub them in the dim light of the living room. Everyone was laid out on the rug, waiting, some drifting off. 

“Yea usually they’re all in my business right now, trying to kill me.” said Buffy, who was painting her toenails on the ottoman. 

“Well perhaps tomorrow night we could try the car wash, since that was where it’s last kill was.” He said, resetting his glasses. 

“Or…” Willow looked down at the book with the spell they’d set to use, and everyone looked over waiting for the piece of information she’d found, the one line of a spell that triggered their plan into action, “Oh, my leather bookmark, gee I thought I’d forgotten where this-”

“Or what, Will?” Said Buffy loudly, startling Anya and Xander awake. Everyone stared at her expecting. 

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to...“ Buffy put down the nail polish bottle, “I’m just worn out from… I don’t know all of this I guess.” 

“We understand.” said Willow, closing the book, “It has felt like we’re all working a little harder now with- ah well, you know with less help.” 

They all held their breath at the near close mention of Riley’s name. Buffy has almost forgotten in the spin of being tired that she was in fact, now single and not so ready to mingle. They all looked so guilty for coming close to bringing up the most recent man to have left her. Was she really that fragile? No amount of supernatural healing would quicken a regular old broken heart, she guessed. She could cut her friends some slack. She was being pretty mopey lately. 

“It’s fine, Will. I’m sorry for yelling.”

“It’s ok, Buff.” Said Willow enthusiastically. 

Buffy sat up and pushed her sore body from the couch, walking over to the window to look out over the usually empty street that haunted her home.   
She got a brief glimpse of the street lights before she was enveloped in cold. Completely dark, motionless cold. Then, something was pulling her insides out through the center of her back, like a hole pierced in the side of an airplane at altitude. She couldn't fight it. It was so fast. 

She was being funneled, almost at empty, and then she blinked and was laying on her back on the floor of her living room, looking up at Willow chanting over her, holding a tall white candle like a dagger pointed at a silhouette. It looked like a tall man, well from what could be made out from the contrast of edges against the living room walls. It shifted back and forth, like dripping glue trying to avoid Willow’s directed words. Buffy wheeled back and jumped onto her feet, fists in front, ready to punch into the gape of space in a man shape. 

The fire from the lit white candle started to brighten, and the light began seeping into the man shape.

“Dan?” Anya’s voice rang out behind Buffy’s fighting stance. Willow went silent. 

A cold, empty echo of a deep voice said, “Anners bananers?”

“Sorry what?” said Xander, breaking himself out of fear into complete disgusted surprise. 

“What are you doing in Sunnydale?” Anya asked, walking up to stand between Buffy and Willow and, well Dan, they guessed. 

“You know, Hellmouth.” Said a distant yet booming voice. “What are you doing all… human-a-rific?” 

“Not a demon anymore. Just you know, one of these now.” Anya responded, waving a thumb back at the humans behind them. 

“Gosh, I haven’t seen you in so long. I mean, even as a human you look great.” The darkest dark silhouette held his arms out to emphasize his point, “You know I’ll never forget that Mesopotamian sacrifice where we rolled around in that blood ocean and -” 

“Ok! Willow! Can you we light bright this guy out of here, please?!” said Xander, his voice breaking as he yelled. 

“Um, yea I guess.” said Willow, looking over at Anya. 

“Oh, hey, actually could you not?” said Dan, “It will just banish me to another realm and like, it’s a kind of a pain to get back without my body ripping up the whole time space thing, cuz I’m ah-”

“Oh for the love of God or whatever!” Buffy said, exasperated, then threw a well placed kick into the center of Dan’s hole/chest. Her foot completely disappeared without a sound and before she fell all the way in, Anya grabbed her elbow and tipped her backwards. Buffy rebalanced and removed her foot. 

“Yea, that’s not really gonna work.” said Anya, “Listen, Dan. These are my friends, so do you think you could take the time sucking gig on the road? You know, for old times sake.” Anya smiled playfully, ignoring Xander’s huge sigh and dramatic storm out into the kitchen. 

“Hey now, Bananers, don’t come on too strong.,” Dan laughed, “I’ve got someone now.” 

“Oh that’s so good to hear. I’m happy for you. Another Time Demon?” asked Anya.

“Oh no,” said Dan, “what a nightmare that would be. He’s a Youth Ghoul.”  
\------------------------------------------------------  
The constant sharp, severe pain was clouding over the irony that for a man without a soul, the soles of his feet were now being stripped off every time he lunged for the Summers house. His combat boots were in tatters. A hundred times now he’d try one way and then another. Sometimes making it the door, sometimes making it to the window, never quite making it inside, but always filled with the same urgent fear that something was happening to her that he couldn’t somehow stop.   
He was losing blood, even in the refresh of the moment, he’d show up with less attached to him. This was some epic, inquisition level torture. Inside a few runs he’d hear the giggle of the demon that was looping him. A few times he’d turned and gone straight after the pale gangly boy sitting with the toy, but that only made the revisited moment shorter. 

Spike always knew he’d end up in hell, but he figured he’d have enough pull there to get away with easy eternal torture. It wouldn’t be like this. It couldn’t be. He’d have to figure out another way. A trick. A spell. Throwing a rock. He hadn’t tried that. 

He launched a rock, which pathetically tapped against the glass, the throw weakened by, well his current weakness. Undead, but not immune.   
He’d try again. It was the only option he could think of as he barely stood in a puddle of his own blood in the street.   
\---------------  
“It’s not usually my style to not kill demons.” Buffy finally interjected through Anya and the time demons round of catch up and chat. 

“Right,” said Anya, “But to be fair it did seem like Dan had you. He’s pretty powerful. One time we were trying to get an emperor-”

“Perhaps just this once, Buffy.” Giles spoke softly. 

“Yea, but if he’s not time sucking me, isn’t he going to just go off and time suck another innocent?” Buffy replied, willing yes, to lay down the stake, but thinking if she does it once then all demons will be looking for their get out of hell free card. 

“Oh I wasn’t going to time stuck you, babe. I enjoy something with an aged flavour.” Dan said creepily. Willow, Buffy, Giles, Tara, and even Xander from the kitchen cringed. Anya seemed unphased. 

There was a sharp tap at the window. Then another. Buffy skirted around the hole/man/demon to look out the window. Lurking outside her house, a place he loved to frequent, Spike stood in the middle of the street, but appeared crumpled, leaning over weakly to grab a stone, then toss it at, hitting the window. Then repeating the motion, this time the stone landing in the grass. 

For a moment, she thought of running out the front door and to him, making sure he was alright and breaking the curse from Dan, the time sucking demon hole.   
Instead, she saw him fall over into a wet puddle and said “Gross.”  
\-------------------------------------------  
“Isn’t that kind of inappropriate? He’s basically dating a child.” Willow asked over her coffee cup the next morning, still hanging in the Summers home with everyone drowsy, but relieved.

“A youth ghoul isn’t a kid. They’re thousands of years old.” Anya answered. 

“I guess the dating world of demons is one we don’t fully understand on the mortal side.” Giles said, spooning through some healthy oatmeal in the dawn light.   
Buffy came in through the back door and made her now signature plop at the kitchen island, tired but less irritable. She put a brown paper bag on the island top next to her. 

“How’s our rotating vampire?” asked Xander. 

“He’ll be fine. Just needs a little coffin nap.” Buffy said, then reached into the bag, pulling out a fresh new unopened box of cocoa puffs.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you liked the story and want to hear it dramatically read aloud, check out our podcast, World Stealers, on iTunes, Spotify, Stitcher, or wherever you choose to listen!
> 
> https://cms.megaphone.fm/channel/worldstealers


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